Performing: an addictive high

Today I performed. It was the first time I performed a piece written by myself in front of an audience, most of whom I barely knew. Safe to assume that I was completely nervous. I can't even say that it was a mix of nervous meets excited because the level of excited was drastically overwhelmed by the nervousness.

Anyways, getting up to the front of the crowd reminded me that I've never really given my written pieces to anyone to critique, never read any of my rhymes to people who themselves write, creatively, nor have I ever read out poetry done by myself. So this was like jumping to level 3 and just getting it all out there.

I was so eager to have someone tell me whether I was delusional about my work or whether I was actually good. I wanted to know how to get better and what I even sounded like. So yes, this was the perfect opportunity.

Hearing everyone else perform their pieces made me feel like mine were amateur and juvenile. I was not too sure if I should perform. However, once I was called upon and the other members began chanting my name, I couldn't help it. The curiosity inside of me, wondering what I would sound like, wondering what they would think of my words, my technique, my everything, got the better of me.

Performing poetry/rhymes/stories is really putting yourself out there. And it does indeed take a lot of guts to do. It involves sharing your feelings, experiences and private emotions with people - sometimes strangers - who may not even get it. I'm not just saying this in order to give myself a pat on the back, but instead because of the physiological experiences I had while standing up there and realizing what I was about to do.

I am beyond glad that I actually showed up to the writers' group today. Knowing that we would be required to bring a piece to perform I did debate whether or not I should go. But then I thought to myself, it would be good to see others perform and learn from the critiques and supports. I don't necessarily have to perform. Either way I updated my notepad with three new pieces that I wrote up last night. And I knew which one of them I would perform if I got called up. So yes in some way I went prepared. I think this was my subconscious urge to just toss my words out into the open and see what people thought of it.

I hadn't practiced the piece at all, so I was nervous as to what it would sound like aloud and whether it would flow under pressure. Standing up there, bones shaking, clearly vibrating, I chose a voice and read my lines. It rhymed; it was fierce; it made sense; it wasn't juvenile; it was great (for my first performance of course).

There's no feeling like hearing that-ever-so-reaffirming "mmm hmm", the nod of agreeance, the creative literary society snaps, what's not to love?!!! Each one of those assisted in helping me continue my piece and is much appreciated. However more important than the external acknowledgement was the internal tensions and releases happening all at the same time. Every word was tense and fierce but created release on saying it.

"Performing was freeing. It was self-appreciative. It was a high. An addictive high. That I hope to indulge in very soon, over and over again."

Thank you Toronto Street Writers for helping me find the literary performer in me.

The forever looming 5-year plan

Another girls' night get-together...

Most female around their mid-20s mark start to think about the next 5 year stretch to 30. Then the list of things to be achieved begins:
- complete education
- find a job
- make said job a career
- move out/own a place
- make more friends
- find prince charming or figure out if current boyfriend is prince charming
- buy a car
- date prince charming
- find the perfect LBD
- get prince charming to propose
- get married
- start a family...
...and it goes on...
[See below for my strategies]

While each of the above goals is quite significant, having to accomplish the bunch of them in five years makes it quite the daunting challenge [enter quarter-life crisis]. Then there are those who feel that things will happen in due time and challenges should be taken one day at a time. No longer are women forced to be married and start a family by the age of 30. However due to a longstanding cultural convention to do so, it may always be an underlying thought.

The above list is by no means exhaustive nor does all of it need to be done as women find their own alternatives suitable to their own interests - such as being in a happily unmarried relationship.

Finding myself around one of these conversations and allowing my mind to wander got me thinking about my goals and whether or not I would accomplish them by their preferred timelines. While realizing that some of the goals may have already been acheived, there are some that may just require a whole other decade. What I realized it that the whole list isn't as important as the few items that are relevant for life in the here and the now. Prioritize! It truly is a life saver.

Afford yourself sometime to clearly think out your options and your current situation and proceed to make a list from there. Be honest about which of the above goals is the most meaningful to you and work that specific one. Seeing the next 5 years of life becomes a lot more 'deal-with-able' when turning a list of 20 to a list of three to five things. Once those first few priorities are accomplished the rest of the list may have changed ...or not. If not, re-evaluate and strategize. Put yourself in different circumstances/crowds/circles to allow yourself some varied perspectives [and experiences and people - you never know where today's prince charmings hide]. Also some level of trusting that the rest will fall into place is necessary. Also, never close doors that can be opportunities. As naive as that may sound it acutally helps focus on chosen goals and thereby ensures that at least those are achieved.

*Caution: Please close eyes, breathe deeply and VOW TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF before moving on further and reading the below recommendations.

Creative ways to deal with the 5 year loom:
- Avoid depressing factors: if you're easily jealous by people's 'good fortune' of trips, marriages, babies, birthdays, etc., avoid facebook or at least cut down on the amount of time you use the social media site.
- Engage and meet people: if you are indifferent to people's 'good fortune' then take to facebook and expand to twitter and tumblr and pinterest to engage in new conversations and feel more connected [check: feeling of making new friends]
- Confident and sexy: dress yourself in a way that makes you feel confident with a hint of sexy. Vow to wear at least one item everyday that makes you feel sexy, whether to work or elsewhere, do it! [check: feelings of confidence increases the ability to converse freely with women and men and creates opportunites for friends and maybe even new partners/charmers. Also feeling sexy surely must have links to staying and feeling young]
- DIY: DIY is in! Have a girls' night-in or date night-in but be creative to make it extra special and also save at the same time [check: increased savings that will hope to one day buy a car or move out/own a place]
- Know your interests: read something you're interested in. This will make you enjoy the book and the literary atmosphere thereby subtly urging you to finish school. Also if you are in a program that you enjoy, invovle yourself in the social elements and the practical elements of it in order to remind yourself why you love it so much. [check: complete education]
- Search your interests: find a field that interests and excites you, apply for jobs in that field. If you do not have the credentials to back you up, take a program, volunteer, intern, do something in that field. Network with people in that field. Do not give up on it! [check: finding a job and making said job a career]
- Open Communication: have a talk with him/her - your partner. Find out where they stand in the relationship and if they are on the same page. Open communication about initimate and important issues is important and can solve a lot of issues. If they are not willing to talk even after you've explained how important 'this' is - red flag. [check: getting married to partner/starting family - whatever that may mean to each of you]

Of course all of the above is just advice - easy to give hard to take. But what connects advice to reality is your attitude. Your attitude matters the most. If you want something, do not give up on it. But before that, realize what it is that you want and if it is a priority.

This post is of course just one way of juggling those forever looming 5 year plans, there are a ton more almost perfect for every situation.

What are your five year goals? and how are you dealing with accomplishing them?

Share, please.

Itch to Stitch: Creation No.1

So I was recently gifted/handed-down a Singer body form (see image). I've been looking internationally for one of these but they were all too pricey for a hobby-in-try-out. The last time I stitched something was when I was eight years old and it was made out of scraps from my designer aunt's leftover pieces. This of course is ignoring the cross-stitch class that I was made to take at the age of 11. So, unsure about whether I would be able to stitch let alone if I would be too lazy to actually make something, I wasn't too willing to shell out more that fifty bucks. And then Singer, Betty Singer to be clear, appeared (yes I've named my body form, she is no longer inanimate).

So with that backdrop I present to you my first ever creation - the necklace collar tie.
And might I add that I'm pretty darn proud of it.

This piece was inspired by a pinterest board of DIY things and comes from Crazy Wonderful (check out the link to see the step by step tutorial). I saw it, loved the idea and said why not. Usually seeing something creative leads to "hell yeah, I could do that", but rarely leads to actually getting down to doing it. This time since Betty was staring at me and I had the Itch to Stitch, and got to it...and voila! Keep in mind that I initially had no idea how this project was going to turn out so I borrowed/took a tie that wouldn't be missed, hence some may need to excuse the print. So if you've got issues with the print, push that aside and focus on the design. Besides, I think I like the way it turned out and the print kind of rubs off on you, no?

Items required:

- a tie 

- a button 

- thread

Time taken:

 - an hour

keep in mind that this project would take someone who is familiar with stitching/tac-ing about 20-30 minutes...no lie. Putting the pleats together took me a whole five minutes including pinning the pleats down. Then comes stitching the pleats down from the back followed by stitching in the button.

Also be prepared to accidently swallow/chew/eat a healthy daily dosage of thread.

Thread the needle, sew, knot, repeat.

There are a few ways to wear the necklace collar tie. The first image above wears the collar at a U while the image below wears it at an angle. Also, I'm looking to see what else it can be paired up with on the top. There are different necklace collar tie styles to experiment with and I will post pictures up as soon as I successfully complete them. Drop off some ideas, but I can't promise I'll develop all the necessary skills overnight... will try though ;) Enjoy.  

Mom's Oldies = My Goldies!

Gifts from mom's closet are the perfect example of real vintage shopping, to me. There's no thrill like finding coveted items in your mom's closet - old pairs of sunglasses, slightly worn purses, dulled scarves, old fashioned shoes, tinted over-sized or funky shaped glasses. If you happen to have a mom who saved her fashion treasures consider yourself lucky. We in 2012 are at the perfect moment to witness the fact that fashion repeats itself. Any of these found fashion treasures already have a certain sophistiscation in experiencing a different decade in addition to them being handed down from a parent and the sentimental value attached plus the bonus of the lack of monetary exchange; thereby making closet finds the epitome of vintage shopping. *Check out some of my treasures described at the end of the post. 

Vintage seems to have made a huge comeback today with returns to harems, neutral sunglasses, over-sized eyeglass frames, overalls, shoulder pads, pony-tail heels, etc. While some do indeed shop at vintage stores - cheap pawners to pricey boutiques - others wait for mainstream society to mash up a new-meets-old item, like workplace harems, fitted coloured jeans, chic overalls, etc. These items while cool and trendy don't really convey the history of the vintage collaboration and defintiely lack a sentimental side to it. On the positive side it makes it easy to find what's in style and to be trendy. In the negative, you never truly understand that you're wearing - the story behind the clothes (but then again let's admit it, a lot of us don't have the time to hear the story about the dress that once was...).

Most never knew that military boots came from military war camps or that shoulder pads reallly took off in women's fashion in the 1920s greatly influenced by male militaristic fashion or that tie-dye prints came from Asia and were then adopted by the hippie era as an inexpensive way to express individualism.

So I may stand alone when I say that I prefer my old school items lovingly handed down but I do encourage you too, to look through your mom's, aunt's, grandmother's even your grandad's (maybe) closet, you never know what fashion treasure you might find and in this day and age what trend you might start ;) Their oldies could definitely become your goldies. What have fashion finds have you found buried in the closets? And how are you rocking them?

*Check out the above and below pictures of a few items that I found in my mom's closet.
Above: mini-suitcase/over-sized briefcase with a blue shell complete with metal clasps and the slightly rusted hinges; cowboy brown make-up bag in absolute perfect condition; darker brown detailed satchel.
Below: brown suede shoes with tie-ups.

Lookbook: Coloured Pants

     HnM Leopard sweater                        HnM Jacket                                        Urban Outfitters Top

     Garage Pant                                       Parisian Orange Pant                        UK2LA Beige Pant

     PriMark Booties                                  GoJane Boots                                    Blowfish Jute Boots

     Garage Satchel

Coloured pants have started to colour up my wardrobe as well as the streets this year. They are very different from what was previously in style (at least what I was used to): 50 shades of blue denim, pastel colours, neutral colours, harems, printed pants, etc. Coloured pants are bold ensuring that whether or not you want to be seen, you will be seen.

If you're like me and really wanted to own a pair (or eight) but still felt like it was a little out of your usual comfort zone then try #2 and #3 above. The pairing of coloured pants with a neutral or black top kind of sobered the colour instead of going over the top. And the more comfortable you are the harder you'll rock it out.

Each of the above pairs is a different kind of pant, #1 looser cargo feel, #2 slim fit parisian pant (fits like a brazilian cut skinny jean) and #3 high waist skinny jean.

Break it down

#1 the red pants and the leopard cardigan: The mood was to experiment and be out there. Paired with heeled booties the outfit was comfy yet trendy yet unique (to me, at least, even as I look at the picture now).

#2 the orange skinny and leather jacket: This was a great date outfit. It was trendy and chic and bad-a** all at the same time. The jacket has gorgeous blackened-gold details with the buttons and the sleeves (*close up photo coming soon). The fit of the pant and the cut of the jacket were flattering to the body and the balance of bold colour meets biker girl seemed to instil the appropriate confidence for the night. Good case of "you feel how you look" ;) 

#3 the beige skinny and black top: This was a crazy comfy outfit for one of those blasé days where you just throw on something. It was more so on the safe side with the beige coloured jean and the black top (but low and behold there's colour in the back). Everytime I look at this picture I cannot picture a better top or pant or pair of shoes for the way I was feeling on this blahzay day.  The black top with the blue and white striping at the back (see picture below) really added something different to the outfit and while usually a dress up top the pant made it quite the 'chill' outfit. The shoes add a cute boho look with the tattered top and jute-look.

Artwork: Homage to the Birds

Artwork: Homage to the Birds

Even in death some aren't free

Even in death some stay caged

Even in death I can't be me

Even in death I can't be saved

© chimerashinobi 2012

Homage to the Birds began by wanting to pay respects to those gone before us.
Recognizing that even in death some souls aren't able to rest as matters are not yet solved,
recognizing some souls that pass on without much recognition of their being here on Earth,
and recognizing the discomfort and guilt (caged feeling) of leaving without bidding adieu,
is how Homage to the Birds was created.

Nevertheless the cage in the artwork is represented by a basket as a reminder that there is always hope in sight and freedom is indeed acheivable.

Artwork done by your's truly, feedback is always welcome.