Saturday, 10 August 2013

Inhibition of Ambition

I've been feeling ancy lately.
Not sure why.
But unfulfilled.
Like something big is supposed to happen to me but it hasn't yet.
And I'm waiting.
Waiting for it to happen.
Waiting to know what it is.

This waiting has me irritated.
I can't enjoy moments because I keep thinking about this 'big thing'.
Wondering what it is.
Wondering if where I am currently and what I'm doing is a step in the right direction.
Is this bar I'm at or are these friends I'm with a waste of time?
Do I need to go home and reroute my life to get to this 'big thing'?

But I want to enjoy these moments.
Laughter. Jokes. Getting dressed up for silly occasions.
Maybe the 'big thing' can wait.
If it's going to happen, it will.
So why give up my current happiness for what will be future happiness.
It's an uneasy feeling so it's hard to shake off.
But maybe this bar, this guy, this job, are steps in the right direction.
If I make it so.
I either learn that I like it and enjoy it or that it's not for me.
Both put me in a better position and closer to the 'big thing'.

Maybe the 'big thing' is me.
And my every moment.
Maybe the big thing is just my ambition.
My consistent want for more, for better, for bigger.
But maybe it's my enjoyment of the current pleasures will aid rather than inhibit my ambitions for my future.
So maybe it's in contentment of every moment that I can find fuel for my ambition.

If you can't be happy now, chances are that you are sour and that taints your drive to your goals. Happiness, even in the smallest of circumstances puts a positive spin and helps fuel your drive to where you want to someday be.

No comments:

Post a Comment